Treat relationship quality as a health issue: argue about the problem without insults or contempt
Better marital relationships are associated with somewhat better health and lower mortality. The association is small, comparable to that for diet. In one experiment, small wounds in consistently hostile couples healed at only 60% of the rate in less hostile couples.
What it takes
Free. Stay with the current issue; avoid insults, sarcasm and dredging up old disputes. Controlling your words when angry is difficult.
What you may gain
A meta-analysis pooled 126 studies involving over 72,000 people. Better marital quality correlated with better physical health at r = .07–.21; 0 means no relationship and 1 perfect positive correspondence. The correlation with lower mortality was r = .11, and with smaller cardiovascular responses during conflict r = −.13. The authors described these as small associations, comparable to those between health habits such as diet and health. In a crossover experiment, 42 healthy married couples each had two 24-hour hospital admissions: one for a supportive discussion and one to discuss a disagreement. Experimentally induced blister wounds healed more slowly after conflict. Couples showing more hostility in both sessions healed at 60% of the rate of low-hostility couples. Their blood inflammatory markers, IL-6 and tumor necrosis factor, also rose more the following morning.
Context & considerations
Grade B because most pooled studies observed people rather than assigning treatments, so poor relationships causing illness cannot be separated from illness worsening relationships. Some associations persisted after adjustment for age and income. The wound experiment included only 42 couples. Focusing on the issue and avoiding insults or sarcasm is the author's inference from the hostile behaviors studied, not a directly tested intervention. Joint marriage or family counseling is an option for persistent severe conflict; no separate citation is supplied for it. Physical violence, sustained verbal abuse or threats are domestic violence, not merely communication problems; see Chapter 8, entry 43. For considering departure, see exit costs.
Research & references
Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM (2014). Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031859; Kiecolt-Glaser JK et al. (2005). Hostile marital interactions, proinflammatory cytokine production, and wound healing. Archives of General Psychiatry. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpsyc.62.12.1377