Record the benefits of “marrying for the elders” separately from your own
Elders' reassurance, pride and relief from worrying are real benefits. They do not automatically improve your health or relationship quality. You bear the time, financial and exit costs yourself. Separate the beneficiaries on paper and you can see whether the arrangement is worthwhile to you.
What it takes
Free. Make two columns: your own benefits, using the preceding entries, and your elders' benefits, such as reassurance, social standing and an end to pressure to marry. Keep those columns separate.
What you may gain
Benefits to elders are real, but do not automatically become your health benefits or relationship quality. The time costs, financial costs in entries 10, 11 and 12, and exit costs fall on the spouses. Separate accounting makes the value of marrying to complete a family obligation easier to judge.
Context & considerations
You may choose to give your elders' column substantial weight. The weighting is yours. See the marriage decision worksheet.
Research & references
The author's experience and a suggested decision-making method; numerical evidence appears in the preceding entries.